Grateful for the Pain

It’s hard. 

Facing tomorrow, my first Mother’s Day without her.

I’ve tried a thousand times to focus on the positive,

To set my mind on the ones who call me “Momma”

And how blessed I am to have them.

All I can think about instead is how much I miss her. 

My feelings are pouring out of me in the form of tears,

And I hope typing them out will make them hurt less.

But nothing makes the ache go away.

So I’ve got to find a way to be thankful for the hurt.

I can celebrate while also grieving because I know

This pain wouldn’t be so unbearable

If the love had not been so wonderful.

While my celebration will look a lot different this year,

Filled with sympathy and care from my family,

Tears as I scroll through sweet memories together,

I’ll be grateful for the reason behind the pain.

It is hard now

Because it was so good then.

And that is something to be thankful for,

Even in the hurt.